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I miss you Sam...Love, Mom [24 Jan 2013|11:51am]
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[26 Feb 2012|04:27am]
[ mood | enraged ]

So I found out the attorney general in my state has joined this bullshit lawsuit against the Obama administration over requiring insurance to cover birth control. I am, of course, fucking livid. And disgusted on whole new levels, given this attorney general is a fucking WOMAN. So I made angry phone calls and left angry messages, and just sent this angry email:

Ms. Bondi, let me tell you a story. It's not a fun one. When I was 18 years old, I was diagnosed with an unpleasant little condition called PCOS - polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's a nasty bugger that means my ovaries don't release eggs properly and that they instead crystalize into cysts, which then cause all sorts of ugly medical problems. Weight gain. An increased chance of diabetes and ovarian cancer. Some women are unlucky enough to have male pattern baldness and problems with hirsuitism - a fate I've mostly been able to avoid - mostly. The worst part is you don't have periods normally. You can go months or even years without menstruating properly... and sometimes when you bleed, it'll be because your uterus has so filled with excess lining and blood that it literally leaks out.

Even worse for some women is the incredible hardships they face should they want to get pregnant. It's an uphill battle, and some may find that their ovaries are too scarred from cysts that they will never bear children. If you are lucky enough to get pregnant, you face further complications during pregnancy that most women would not have to deal with. My mother had PCOS; she had three miscarriages.

And the cysts themselves? They can grow large and burst, causing the sort of pain that makes the worst menstrual cramps feel like nothing. Some of those cysts get so large that they cause irreparable damage - such as the one that I was hospitalized for at age 20. A cyst the size of a grapefruit had formed on one of my ovaries and was leaking fluid. The pain this caused was bad enough to land me in the ER - if I had been unlucky enough to have this cyst burst, it would have possibly killed me. It certainly would have put me in a galaxy of pain like none I had ever experienced before. The surgery left me with a 6 inch scar across my abdomen, took one ovary and fallopian tube, and required over 2 months to heal.

So why do I tell you this medical history? Because you, madam, have decided to sue the federal government over their new law requiring health insurance companies to provide birth control.

PCOS's symptoms are largely controlled by taking hormonal birth control pills. These pills alleviate not only the obvious physical symptoms, but actually allow women to menstruate and to do so without the excruciating pain I experienced in the few periods I had before I was put on birth control. Further than that, they make it possible for women like me - which make up AT LEAST an estimated 5-10% of the population, with more evidence arriving every day to show that there may be even higher numbers of women with PCOS - to some day HAVE CHILDREN, should we so desire.

Birth control pills have quite literally made it possible for women with PCOS to have children, and to not be sterilized by our disease.

And you want to deny this basic human right to us. You want to tell us that instead, if we aren't "lucky" enough to have the ability to pay out of pocket for birth control, that we must continue to suffer the symptoms of PCOS. Not only the painful ones, but the physically embarassing ones and the likely impossibility of becoming pregnant and carrying a child to term.

I had a friend with PCOS who had to shave her face like a man every day. She was not so "lucky" as me - she could literally grow a beard. She had a bald spot at age 21. When she finally got a job that covered birth control medication and she began taking it, her symptoms were noticeably reduced. And please note that I put the word lucky in quotes for a reason: she still has both her ovaries, whereas I don't.

I don't have any ovaries.

You see, there was an extended period of several years where I couldn't afford birth control. I was poor enough that the decision came down to paying for prescriptions or keeping the electricity turned on, and I sacrificed my prescriptions. As a result of those years, the remaining ovary I had after my surgery continued to develop cysts, which frequently burst and caused me great pain. My periods would not show up for eight months, then last for six weeks when they did arrive - complete with horrible cramping and bleeding so bad that I could bleed through a tampon AND pad within three hours.

By the time I had a job where I again could afford to pay for my birth control prescription, the damage had been done - my remaining ovary was so badly scarred up when it was removed that the doctor took pictures of it and commented on it to me after the surgery.

This was all something that could've been prevented if I'd been able to pay for birth control pills in those years I was forced to do without.

So you see, Ms. Bondi, I find you an absolute disgrace and shame. I am beyond disgusted with your decision to join this frivolous lawsuit - a lawsuit Florida can ill afford to waste money on when we are already facing a budget deficit. I am disgusted on the behalf of all women who have PCOS and suffer with it every day of our lives. For us, using birth control is not a matter of contraception. It is a purely medical matter. In some cases, it can be a literal matter of life or death.

That you, as a woman, would be so absolutely lacking in empathy and understanding of the importance that ALL women should have access to this important medication is shameful.

If you continue to persist in this lawsuit, then I will have no choice but to support anyone who runs for office against you and does not think that women should be denied medication for religious reasons. I will gladly give money to any organization that pledges to fight this lawsuit and your actions.

I am considering printing it out and sending it, too, but I'm not sure if I should waste a stamp on this unctuous cunt of a bitch. I focus on the medical issues in this letter because, well, for one they get ignored in the Republican freaking-the-shit-out over the idea that women might be able to HAVE SEX without risking procreation. Cause god forbid we let women have sex for enjoyment and not for MAKIN' BAYBEEEZ. But quite honestly, fuck you if you don't think that birth control should be covered by ALL health insurance, full stop. I'd go as far as to say fuck you if you don't think birth control should be fucking FREE to all women, as a matter of fact, but seeing as how there are people in this country who think it's okay for people to die so's they don't have to pay a little extra for universal health care, I know that's a goddamn pipe dream.

And there's a few things that aren't entirely true in the letter, full disclosure. My mom was never diagnosed with PCOS, for example. However, given the multiple miscarriages, her own ovary removal at a young age, lifelong reproductive issues, and eventual hysterectomy in her early 40s, it's almost a certainty she had it. The thing is in the 70's and 80's nobody knew what it was yet. I also left out that getting the ovary (and everything else) out that didn't explode when I was 20 was a voluntary choice -- but it was in part driven by the fact that I was goddamn shit-tired of having cysts burst.

And I quite honestly spent so much time on the difficulties women with PCOS have in getting pregnant because I know that plays on the sympathies of most people. Although I never wanted kids, I know that the vast majority of people DO, and the thought of a woman having a hysterectomy and becoming sterilized at age 26 will fill most people with a whole boatload of shitty negative emotions. After all, a lot of women who find out they can't have kids get pretty fucking emotionally destroyed over it.

Seriously, though, fuck this shit. If you support this absolute bullshit about not covering birth control under health insurance, I have no qualms about labelling you as the woman-hater you are.

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STILL no word about lead [24 Feb 2012|08:32pm]
STILL no word about lead worker position. I'm starting to get... testy >_
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WELL I think that interview [20 Feb 2012|06:21pm]
WELL I think that interview went well, dayshift manager threw his phone at me.
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So infuriated right now I [15 Feb 2012|09:10pm]
So infuriated right now I could punch holes in walls... just... work bullshit again.
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[15 Feb 2012|07:16am]
It may just be that it's 7AM... but...

How can you fucking not laugh like a hyena at that
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[07 Feb 2012|08:29pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Went to the doctor today. My x-rays were normal, my blood work is normal (my a1c is down another full fucking point, but I am sure that when I go into the endocrinologist again they won't even fucking take note of it since I haven't lost any weight, still). I keep having these painsplosions in my chest, and while the doctor thinks it's costochondritis, too, I get to go see a fucking cardiologist now.

I've already spent over $400 out of pocket this year on prescriptions and doctors visits and it's only February 7th.

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[29 Jan 2012|11:22pm]
[ mood | cranky ]

Coupla things. First off is that Omega Mu dinged 50 tonight, meaning I have 6 of 14 completed on my project. Next weekend will likely be Rory.

I apparently have developed costochondritis thanks to fibromyalgia. Remember those pains I mentioned when walking into work? I had it happen again and more painful, and that freaked me out enough to go to the doctor. My blood pressure is almost always in normal range when they take it (and if it's not, it's usually because I'm nervous), they did an EKG on me that was normal, and they want me to have an x-ray and bloodwork done... but the likelihood is that it's lovely fucking new fibro pain. I google 'fibromyalgia chest pain' and that's what comes up. It's an apparently benign - though it don't fucking feel that way, for sure - pain that mimics the symptoms of a heart attack. Almost always on the left side of the chest, and caused by inflamed cartilage between the ribs and sternum and you can usually tell because you'll also have sore spots on your chest... and I have all those symptoms. I mean, as far as I can tell, seeing I can't really feel the ribs that are hidden under boobfat.

On the one hand, yay it's not serious. On the other, it's laughably fucking funny because now my fibromyalgia is *actively* preventing me from doing anything strenuous unless I want to feel like my chest is being caved in with the blunt end of a fire hydrant.

And last Saturday my old team lead died. Completely WTF. She was only in her 50s, but went into the hospital on Friday with walking pneumonia and died overnight. Pretty much everyone was shocked, but also kind of not. She had sarcoidosis and was always coughing, so I'm wondering if that made things worse... and I found out completely coincidentally, when one of my coworkers just happened to run into me in Publix on Saturday night. Fuinnily enough, like me, she didn't have any family except 2 dogs. Her mom died a while back and she apparently has a sister that she didn't get along with who ended up responsible for dealing with everything. I guess they REALLY didn't get along, because there's not even going to be a funeral service. I asked my boss about that, but he hadn't heard anything. I'm kind of mad there isn't going to be one.

On the macabre side, though, that means there's a team lead position open. Even though it means going back to Sat-Tues work shift and no more Pentacle Sundays, it also means a pay raise, so I'm going to be putting in for it. Especially since every job interview in the past 2 1/2 years has ended the same way: oh you're < insert adjective synonymous with awesome here> but we're not going to hire you.

Oh, and my right eye's gone blurry and the eye doctor doesn't know why. Possibly another new fibromyalgia symptom. Fun fucking times.

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[23 Jan 2012|03:26am]
I continue to make good progress on my 14 to 50 project: 5 level 50s, 2 more toons at 47 and with their final builds mostly slotted, and a bunch of toons in their 20s and 30s.


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Arrrrgh job interview next week [06 Jan 2012|07:04pm]
Arrrrgh job interview next week & they want me to give a presentation, think they expect powerpoint. Fffffuuuuuuu HAET POWERPOINT
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My meds finally came, and [24 Dec 2011|01:47am]
My meds finally came, and right now I am high as balls getting reacclimated to them, wheee
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[19 Dec 2011|02:48am]
[ mood | wat ]

Just watched Dexter season finale.

That is all.

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[15 Dec 2011|12:13am]

Sooooooooooooo through a bunch of fuckery where my rheumatologist moved out of town, my prior authorization expiring, and my insurance company being DICKS, I have been without my fucking pain meds since the beginning of December and I hate everything and everyone. Reeeeally feeling all my aches and pains come a-shooting back, I've already missed 2 days of work because of this bullshit waking up in too much pain to drag my ass in.

Fuck everything.

Double fuck you, CHP, because you'd apprently rather have me relying on my vicodin stash than taking the meds I've been on for the past 4 fucking years. Fuck. You.

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Some days just fucking make [08 Dec 2011|12:26am]
Some days just fucking make me seriously consider taking up alcoholism.
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Noro kureyon sock discontinued in [07 Dec 2011|07:14pm]
Noro kureyon sock discontinued in the US. My lace knitting is now all sad >_
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Billy: singlehandedly destroying the myth [11 Nov 2011|06:10pm]
Billy: singlehandedly destroying the myth that greyhounds are graceful (stepped in his own poop today).
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[11 Nov 2011|04:20am]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Great news, everyone (who plays COX): we're finally getting those gunslinger costume pieces! Oh, except for women. Female toons, you only get to dress up like cathouse whores.

Thus I will refer to this costume pack as the 'gunslinger and whore' costume pack.

Don't get me wrong, some of the female costume bits are ones I could see a use for. And it looks like women finally get a cigar accessory, which males have only had for oh, the LAST SEVEN YEARS. I'm just pissed that instead of getting the awesome old west gunslinger costume parts, female toons only get to be tavern maids or cheap floozies.

Thanks for reminding me of how the gaming industry is rife with sexism, Paragon!

(not to mention more than a few of those female costume parts look like they were only slightly modified from the steampunk set ಠ_ಠ)

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LOLOLOL Why is my name [04 Nov 2011|01:23am]
LOLOLOL Why is my name in Mockingjay?
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Aw man, Flattus Maximus from [03 Nov 2011|07:58pm]
Aw man, Flattus Maximus from Gwar died T_T
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SOMEBODY AT WORK IS EATING [31 Oct 2011|06:16pm]
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Work email today: fdle is [14 Oct 2011|05:10pm]
Work email today: fdle is now on facebook; members are encouraged to 'like' Fdle on facebook. You have got to be shitting me. >_
Entry number 2

[06 Oct 2011|06:11am]
So. Statesman has no junk. No, seriously. Lookit that crotch. And Exhibit B. He's a eunuch. No, eunuch's still generally have their dick, which means he's a KEN DOLL. Or he's taping everything back.

Surely I cannot be the only one to notice this and comment on it? I mean, now that they're using it as an in-game loading screen as well as the login page image, every. fucking. time I see it, the only thing I can think of is that STATESMAN HAS NO GONADS TO SPEAK OF.
Entry number 0

2 rooms reserved at the [03 Oct 2011|05:27pm]
2 rooms reserved at the sheraton for 2012 dragoncon. So who's interested in coming?
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[01 Oct 2011|05:02am]
[ mood | pissed off ]

CONGRATULATIONS Bank of America, on losing a customer of nearly 10 years. Because fuck you, I am not paying $5 a month to use my debit card. I'll be taking my checking and savings to a local credit union, fuck you very much, and I'd be moving my mortgage there too if it was even feasible.

This coming Tuesday I will be withdrawing most of my money and taking it to First Florida Credit Union. I will then call up HR at work, make sure my direct deposit gets switched over to my new, non-BoA accounts, and then I will be clearing out the REST of my money and sticking it in a bank that doesn't decide to fuck over its customers because it's only making insane profits instead of insane, record-breaking profits.

And I encourage anyone else with Bank of America accounts to do so, too. And if you're with another major bank - watch out. Because most of them are either currently testing or planning to switch to the same bullshit fuck-the-customer models within the next year.

Entry number 5

Been at work for 5hrs [28 Sep 2011|10:17pm]
Been at work for 5hrs & I am slightly disappointed nobody has asked wtf is on my lip (stitches from doctor yesterday).
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